bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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