nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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