dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
