she was so not down for the gang bang
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
