i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Randomize
