So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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