How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
