I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you had me at cake vodka
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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