I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
