i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He shit in the fireplace
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
