My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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