hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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