So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
