you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
