In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
