This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
