honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
