I accidentally had phone sex last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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