I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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