There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
