You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
