ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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