Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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