just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
