God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
do nipples grow back?
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