You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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