did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
nutella sex= disaster
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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