Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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