this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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