I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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