Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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