went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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