Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
