Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My life is pants optional.
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