I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
