just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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