I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
