Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
