I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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