I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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