Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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