My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
