well I can't set my house on fire every night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
