Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
