i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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