Soap is not a condiment
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
