those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
