youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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