I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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