You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
