I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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