Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There r osticjed everywhere
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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