You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
