After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
