Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.