I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.