Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.