it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?