At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
