you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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