i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
