we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
