Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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