did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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