while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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