We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
