so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
