So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So much Jack, so little girl.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
