Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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