I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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