Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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