I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
