I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
