I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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