i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
