Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
