eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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