why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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