I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
