It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How does one acquire holy water?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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