So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
