Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
