Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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