he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
