a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
